Gospel: Matthew 10:7-13 (for 6/11/15)
“And preach as you go, saying, `The kingdom of heaven is at hand.’ Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers, cast out demons. You received without paying, give without pay. Take no gold, nor silver, nor copper in your belts, no bag for your journey, nor two tunics, nor sandals, nor a staff; for the laborer deserves his food. And whatever town or village you enter, find out who is worthy in it, and stay with him until you depart. As you enter the house, salute it. And if the house is worthy, let your peace come upon it; but if it is not worthy, let your peace return to you.”
Lord, should I take this as a hint??
Call me cra-zay. Just go ahead and do it. I can take it.
I think everyone has at least one time or another felt like they don’t belong. Whether it be temporally in a certain situation, or it’s an overwhelming feeling you just can’t run from.
I’ve been stuck in this boat for a while now. A few of my really good friends are getting married and as life changes for them I slowly creep and find my new place, which is totally fine. We are all growing up and it’s a part of life. I just keep having this nagging feeling like there’s something more for me… Elsewhere.
This is where the crazy comes in- I kind of want to go and explore this feeling. Uprooting everything and everyone I know and love and moving to this foreign land where I know no one, and have nothing. Now, now, don’t start giving me the whole “grass is always greener” speech. I’ve heard it many of time and I’ve experienced its truths. But, (there’s always a but) what if this is what Gods calling me to do? Or what if this is just one of my crazy on a whim ideas.
Believe me- I’ve made this threat many of times. “Oh this place is just perfect! I’m coming back and moving here as soon as I can.” (While everyone echoes: “fat chance, kiddo”.) And their points are completely valid. I’d have no job, not much money, no place to live and the list goes on and on. Wait for it… BUT all those are fixable.
Just the thought alone is terrifying, thrilling and completely insane. Or is it? Is this really a good idea? Is this a rational thought? Would I be able to make ends meet 500 miles away from everything I know? Is this what Gods calling me to do? Or is it just one of my fantasies?
I have a number of ideas that could keep me here in Louisville, but that’s just it- they are ideas. The friendships are dwindling just as quickly as they came. While others are still intact and there is always a possible for more, I just can’t escape the feeling like “now is your time, do it while you’re young!”
I was speaking to a priest last night and asked him the “what brought you to Louisville” story. His answer? So simple, so beautiful: God. “God brought me to Louisville.” He said. Of course he had quite a dramatic story and at the end asked different places three questions/request and Louisville was the only place to say yes to all three, while everywhere else said no to all three. It was obvious where God wanted him.
Why can’t my answer be that obvious?! Maybe my questions to God aren’t that solid and I’m not that sure of His plan for me. I guess what it boils down to is just keep on praying. Totally surrendering to Gods will, begging him to let me know.
I guess I’ll just have to wait and see. I’m so good with those patient moments, Lord.
Please enlighten me with your thoughts and comments. I’d love for you to share them.
Also, if you have ever loved me or currently do and never/don’t had/have the guts to tell me, now is your chance! Before I get away.
LOL- RIGHT, CLARE
Until we meet again.